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A couple of years ago, I was feeling lost. I wanted – so desperately – to connect with a sense of purpose. I felt a calling that I couldn't quite figure out. I didn't understand how to hear what it was saying.
But, I knew – at that time – that connecting with this purpose would move me into this empowered version of myself that I craved being.
At least, I thought that was the order of operations. I thought, if I was living in my purpose, I would feel confident, connected, and meaningful in this world.
Spoiler alert, that process was inverted. The feelings came first and the connection to my sense of purpose came second.
Nonetheless, when I asked the universe for a sign related to my purpose, I was specific. Because I wanted specificity back. Tell me what to do. Tell me who I am. Tell me what my purpose is.
Before I dive into the response I received... what do I even mean by "sign?"
I feel like my trip to Asheville in 2021 illustrates the experience of interacting with signs.
Ahead of that trip, I had been receiving an onslaught of signs calling me to eat a raw vegan diet. And, I really didn't want to.
During the trip, I was driving through the country and saw a license plate reading "EATFRESH" (which felt oddly direct but not out of place in Asheville). To the left of it was a restaurant's banner reading "Organic Real Food Here." Again, not an unlikely string of events given my location. But, it was interesting that they were side by side and that amidst all the noise of things I could have seen and read, my attention was pulled to those.
Then, I had an Akashic record reading a day or two later to help me figure out my "purpose" and make sense of my direction in life. Beforehand, as an ask to Spirit, I said: if you want me to go plant-based and be vegan, then send me celery during my reading. Sure enough, a celery came through. The reader said, "This usually means to literally eat your celery; no one wants to celery, it's bland – but it's about doing the healthy things that may not always be the most desirable."
Okay... that felt pretty clear and harder to ignore. But, again, I was resistant.
That night, I got sushi. And, I got food poisoning from that sushi.
Message received.
When I went fully plant-based a few weeks later, my energy improved, and my anxiety and gut issues lessened. I felt better.
Message confirmed.
I started to notice these types of events more and more. It feels like your attention is slowly being pulled towards something and then it clicks into place when you connect with it, like a camera focusing in and then finding its image.
These messages would trickle in through via songs, signage, meditations, conversations, readings, movies, shows, and in the form of numbers, animals, and symbols. The same ideas, advice, and encouragement were repeated in different ways.
Eventually, I started to incorporate this kind of "show me a ___ if/when" more frequently. It became a practice as much as a key for symbols and their meanings.
"Show me a black butterfly when I encounter true love." Sure enough, a black butterfly would appear, and not in relation to a romantic partner as I had thought, but at deep and meaningful moments where I would choose myself and follow my heart.
Floating ahead of me on a walk while quitting my seven-year job and eleven-year career. Showing up as a tattoo on a person's neck sitting across from me in a coffee shop as I launch my blog.
Black butterflies became my symbol of self-love. I have dozens of these now and a sort of code with the universe.
Such as purple birds... which take us back to where this story started.
What is my purpose? I asked the universe for a specific response. Because I had been receiving queues and messages that were telling me to "share my story."
But, I didn’t understand what that meant… More than that, I questioned it. I questioned "sharing my story" as my purpose, as a calling, as my path. Because who was I? Who cared what I had to say or had experienced? How do you make money (to survive) by sharing a story like mine? (You can start to hear all the fears and wounds I had to heal.)
I thought my path looked more like building a business – particularly for kids. And, I wasn’t in a place where I trusted myself enough to know. That's what I wanted: assurance. Before I took a leap of faith... I wanted to feel convicted. I felt like there was a strong possibility I was wrong about everything related to my purpose and I wanted help. I was overwhelmed by options and felt lost in trying to navigate them.
So, I said to Spirit… show me a purple bird if you want me to share my story. Show me an orange bird if you want me to build that business… that thing for kids. Show me a rainbow bird if my purpose is related to none of these and it's something else entirely.
I’ve learned to write down the codes I create with Spirit… because I can easily forget them – and that kind of defeats their purpose. I also try to make them unlikely to appear in the normal day-to-day.
I've also learned that some responses can take time.
This one did not.
The next morning, I chose a slightly different route for my morning walk.
This – purple metallic tropical bird – appeared in a yard to my left. Slightly hidden, but still pulling my focus to it.
When you ask for a purple bird to confirm the path you should walk. And one shows up, you listen.
It wasn’t just that this bird appeared and gave me an entirely new perspective on my life's purpose or direction. It was that this sign confirmed a message that had been coming through in meditations and subtly and loudly kept showing up in the world too. It was as if the universe – maybe a bit exasperated – said, yes, finally, do it: Share Your Story.
Two years later… here I am: sharing my story.
Because there was a lot to unravel between there and here.
Here, at this moment, I feel empowered, confident, excited, hopeful, of service, and aligned with my sense of purpose. But, there was a deep journey through grief and rage and shame to get here. I questioned it and myself along the entire way.
I want to emphasize how much I questioned everything at the start of this process, especially before I really connected to my intuition. Even still, I have moments where I question things. It's easy to write ourselves off.
I thought:
Could this be the Baader-Meinhof effect? [When you become aware of something in your life and you notice it more; thus, leading you to believe it's happening more, regardless if that is the case.] Definitely.
Could it be my subconscious pulling me to notice things? Absolutely.
Can it all just be a coincidence? Of course.
But, the experiences accumulate and become undeniable.
When the synchronistic nature of timing is undeniable. Like when the largest, widest rainbow appeared in the sky as I was driving to meet a friend; unbeknownst to me, I would find out I was seeing it at the same time as my beloved dog Murray was passing.
Or, when you get external validation for something that existed entirely in your head – such as a name or a place or an idea. Like when moving to Florida kept coming up in meditations and little signs around me. And a reader says "I feel you being drawn to Florida, have you thought about moving there?"
Spending enough time in this back-and-forth process of recognizing the synchronistic nature of the signs helped me build my trust in them.
So, could it be explained by the phenomena mentioned above? Sure. Then, I'm eternally grateful that coincidence and my subconscious and Baader-Meinhof are all conspiring in my favor and working in my best interest.
Could it also be explained by quantum entanglement and a synchronistic arrangement of messages from energy, Spirit, trying to guide and help? Yes.
Those signs – and more importantly - following them have woken me up to what is important and meaningful in life. They've helped me heal physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. They've led me in directions that only make sense in hindsight.
I no longer feel a need to have the answers or to be right, especially about things so grand as how the universe works. If in the end, it was all coincidence, then I would have lived a life as if it was magic. And, it will have been magical to me. But, at this point, experiencing what I've experienced, it would be difficult for me to believe any other way.
Staying connected to my feelings as my foundation is how I choose to honor my life. Staying open and in constant conversation with the universe is how I choose to live my most honest, liberated, and open expression of self. It makes sense to me, and it works for me.
Everyone has the power to choose for themselves. To create the signs, read the signs, ignore the signs, not believe in signs, and ask for signs.
Just know, if you see me laughing or smiling for no discernable reason, it’s because a sign was just seen and a message was just received. And, you're witnessing my gratitude for it.