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Disclaimer: the below is a reflection of my personal experience and judgements, as well as broad assumptions. But, I share, because they may speak to the people like me, and I’m going to let them be exactly what they are.
I’ve generally had a pretty rage-filled, self-righteous distain of capitalism for as long as I can remember. And, then, I got in it. Because I thought I could change it.
Arrogance really is the gift to try despite any and all evidence.
And, I was good at it by all external standards of measurement. But, for me, there was this dualistic experience happening. On the one hand, you are building a life around your career and your career is providing for that life.
When you’re ambitious and motivated to make a difference, self-sacrifice and martyrdom can be so consuming you don’t even realize you are actually a part of the problem and betraying your values until an event causes you to wake the fuck up and radically confront what you are doing. You let the small wins overshadow the fact that money will always be the priority, especially over people. And, the system itself is unwilling to be changed even if it does good. The collective harm it does - through action or inaction - needs to be confronted.
We, the people, hold more power than we’d like to confront. We have the power to control the system and yet, we let it control us. It’s our action and inaction that carries the true weight. When we wake up to that… it’s over.
Now, out of it for almost two years, it’s wild to hear people on phone calls who are very much in that world.
There’s a part of me that wants to be go up to them and ask them if they actually realize how performative they’re being or ask them if they care about the topic they just spent the last 90 minutes discussing or even remind them that the decisions they’re making affect actual people.
But, alas, it’s a power grab, and dissociation from impact and performance are necessary. Egos working through their own trauma and conditioning - especially their daddy and mommy issues. Because if they can someone win in Corporate America, they are worthy - after all and with proof - of the life they lead that comes at the expense of so many.
Capitalism, the staunchest of supporters, feel that life is a game to be won, they feel that there are winners and losers and people that are the losers deserve to be exploited, extorted, in poverty and accepting scraps. And, the fear of being one of them, amongst the losers, keeps them fanning the flames of this system and their feral scramble to move up it.
Here’s to the revolution that ultimately allows people to break free, choose better for themselves and create a life that exists outside of screens, meetings, performance, and money.